22 April 2005

I decided to do my final speech on the censorship of literature and...well...it kinda SUCKED.

Just when I think that I am perfectly prepared for something, with no worries or concerns, something always seems to smack me in the face to remind me that I am not as invincible has I had imagined. Alright, so here it goes...my tragic, tragic, oh so tragic story. This whole mess started Wednesday morning when I got to work and relized I needed to do a couple of revisions on my speech outline. But of course, I was at work, meaing that I was at everyone else's disposal to do all of their shitty jobs as they stared at me like I had broccoli stuck in my teeth or something. So finally, right as I am about to leave, I reprint my outline with a few revisions and rush off to school. I met my boyfriend who was really down and out about some dick teacher, and then left for class, not realizing I was about two minutes late. As I open the door to my classroom, I notice that the first speaker is already up and babbling. I mumble my apologies to the teacher and quickly settle into my seat. Being late to class is always embaressing, but it is not quite as embaressing as having some douche bag teacher say "Wait a minute, Megan needs to gather her thoughts" with a hint of conescending arrogance. As I listen to the first speaker, I try not to panic about my speech, but soon realize that the newly printed outline I have does not contain a technical plot on the left-hand margin. "SHIT!!!" I think to myself, knowing that my teacher is such a tight-ass about mundane tasks such as a technical plot being on both copies of the speech and having precise details. So, in between speakers I quickly jot down the technical plot as much as I can until I hear another student begin their speech. I am almost done with the plot when Dr. Liberal (jk) calls my name with aggravation. See, I do not understand why he had to be such an ass...I mean I was NOT doing anything when the speakers were presenting...I actually listened pretty intently out of respect for them. Anyways, as I get up from my seat and hand him my outline, I quietly explain my predicament with the outlines, and offer to give him my original outline that is only slightly different than mine. Of course, he has to be a dick, so he stammers "You should have had that prepared.." loudly enough so that the entire class can hear and stare at me like I am a fumbling idiot. This whole predicament REALLY did NOT boost my confidence about getting up to speak. (Note: I am a person who DOES not like alot of attention, and I definitly despise the fact that the state of IL requires that students take speech both in High School (terrible...I shudder to think about those days) and in college. Okay, so I get up to the podium and all of the sudden I am completely embaressed and cannot speak. Once I start babbling out my outline, I immediately fuck up....and of course once I fuck up once during a presentation there is no turning back. So it was like this, if you can imagine: Blah blah...fuck up...blah blah blah blah...major fuck up....blah blah blah...."wait, what was that word???" blah blah blah.."oh shit...lost my place." The End. Keep in mind that all of these quotations where going on purely in my head, which is perhaps much more maddening than saying them out loud. To make matters worse, the speech was only suppose to be about 6-8 minutes, and mine lasted for almost nine. I could tell all of the applause was out of pity, as they all stared back blankly at me throughout the whole ordeal.... Ah...the pains of being a misfit... Oh well, I am proud of my misfit qualities, although sometimes it really does suck to be misunderstood. -Megan

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